Gents, it's time you came out of the closet, and ladies, you need to be paying attention to this one-- men take longer to get over lost love and some of them might never get over it at all. You may plaster your social media pages with snapshots of you hanging out with newer, possibly hotter women or even swipe right for every prospective lover girl on Tinder, telling the world it's just a hook up, but you know it deep inside that the initial instinct is to find a mate that can replace the one you just bid goodbye to.
Naysayers may continue to disagree with us, but we will still give you scientific proof of what we're claiming. According to a study conducted by Craig Morris of University of Birmingham, “The man will likely feel the loss deeply and for a very long period of time as it ‘sinks in' that he must ‘start competing' all over again to replace what he has lost — or worse still, come to the realisation that the loss is irreplaceable”.
© M.G. Films
There is some actual merit to this statement. When a relationship ends, it is seemingly earth shattering for a woman because she has consciously or subconsciously planned ahead. By nature, a settler, she has imagined marriage, children and even old age with her partner. When the tie is severed, her plans snap and that is hard hitting, especially if she's older. However, as someone who has been conditioned to seek support, and in this case emotional, the woman is more likely to accept the break up and move on with advice and support from her friends and close ones. This dependence is not regarded as a sign of weakness and she continues to seek help till she finally pulls out and moves on having assessed where she lacked in the relationship so she doesn't repeat it in future relationships.
Now let's look at how men deal with it. Well, the truth is, they don't. Hurting over a break up, especially if initiated by the man himself, may be misconstrued as a sign of weakness amongst his peers. We live in a society where men haven't been taught how to deal with sadness or hurt and a display of aggression is a sign of healthy masculinity. Men aren't allowed to cry, lest they should be labeled effeminate-- it's a woman's job to cry, not a man's. There will be a conversation or two with the boys and it'll become an open and shut case, where they tell each other it's just a girl, if one got away, she can be replaced by a 100 others.
When the hurt isn't addressed, damage control follows-- very aggressive damage control. Men act under pressure to find a new mate, and fast, as a measure to soothe the ego and "move on". There is very little or no learning from the broken relationship because the man hasn't got the chance to have a healthy discussion on where he may or may not have gone wrong. He may not have even had the time to introspect. The priority is to find a girl, find a better girl and find a better girl at lightspeed, and a facade of cheerfulness is put up to mask the hurt.
In this process, they either settle for the next best thing or go on a hook up and shut out women spree. They're looking for love in every single woman they're introduced to, but since they haven't evolved by taking responsibility for their shortcomings, they find faults in these women and are disheartened. In either case, the broken heart never heals, a suitable partner is never found and what is left is memories of the good times with the ex, that haunt for a long time to come-- in short, there is no recovery. In fact, there are higher chances of self destructive behaviour kicking in like excessive smoking, alcoholism and sometimes, self harm.
Now ask yourself gents, isn't it better to just be open about your feelings so that you can deal with break ups in a healthier way? Or do you still prefer to be bound by the past to avoid temporary judgement?